Relationship thoughts as told by an unofficial love expert

Okay so in the past month a lot of people have been coming up to me for relationship advice. While I love giving advice and I’m not going to stop giving any, there are some trends I have noticed and therefore I want to spend a little time just talking about what I've observed. So while I may not be an official love expert, these are just some tips/ words of advice I have gathered over the last 19.39178 years of my life.

1. BE YOURSELF- I know, it’s so cliche! But seriously you have no clue how many people I see that act differently around someone in order to make themselves seem what? more likeable? attractive? I don’t even know! Like seriously if you have to change anything about yourself to make yourself feel more comfortable around that person, you shouldn’t be pursuing this relationship… If that person can’t enjoy you for  who you are do you really think you should be spending time with them? Why waste time with someone who can’t appreciate you, when you could be with someone who loves you for you?
2. STOP WITH THE SUBTLE HINTS!!!!- Seriously this applies to both guys and girls! If you are subtly going to suggest things, it will fly over their heads! Humans were not born with mind reading powers. It would be totally cool if we were, maybe even a little creepy at times, but we aren’t. So if you have something to say, say it! Otherwise you’ll get stuck in this endless void of confusion and that’s never fun, because you just end up thinking, wait did he get my hint? Are we on the same page? and on and on and on….
3. COMMUNICATION IS KEY- This is more of an extension to point 2, but I definitely need to spend some time on this. People need to understand, WE CANNOT READ MINDS!!!! There is no way someone can know how you are feeling if you don’t talk about it! From personal experience I can say that communication is especially essential. There are situations that could have been avoided if only thoughts and feelings were expressed. There is usually a solution to most problems, if only you are willing to bring them up and discuss them. And if you aren’t comfortable discussing them, then you are not ready for this relationship because think about it, does it even make sense being in a relationship if you aren’t comfortable talking with them about you as a couple? Also just a couple tips, don’t bring these up during a date… that’s just awkward and unnecessary. Find a time, tell them, “Hey you, the most awesomest person in the world! I love you and everything, but we need to talk” (please don’t actually use my exact words)! and you know let them know how you’re feeling about issues regarding your relationship, because without them telling you, there is no way they will know how you’re feeling.
4. MORE COMMUNICATION!!!- like I said, or I hope I said, communication is really, REALLY, important, and like there’s varying degrees of communication. I guess communication is like an onion, there’s layers and you keep on peeling one layer and hoping you’re closer to the core but you’re really not (I’m sure people do this somewhere, like I’m sure onion peeling is going to be the next Olympic sport or something!) But anyways back to the topic at hand (I get really distracted), please please please please talk about issues. From experience, there were so many issues that I should have brought up but I didn’t because I wasn’t really sure how he’d respond to them. In hindsight I just should have expressed my feelings because while they wouldn’t have prevented the break up from happening, it would have been better if I had actually expressed my feelings because it could have avoided certain situations. Basically what I’m getting at is that you should take the risk to talk about issues even if you are uncertain about how they are going to respond. What’s the worse that can happen? If this is anything serious, you have nothing to worry about because they’re not going to instantly break up with you, they will want to talk it out. If it’s not serious, bring it up anyways because you need to develop a foundation for your relationship….
5. Speaking of foundations…. BUILD ONE! (or build a snowman, that is equally effective). When you’re starting a relationship you should really talk about what you want out of the relationship. This point should be obvious, but it’s something that a lot of people neglect. It’s easy to get caught up in the moment and the excitement of being in a relationship but really take some time to just talk about yourself and what both of you are expecting out of this relationship. This again kind of falls into the whole communication thing, but like I said LAYERS, there kinda important (my cold weather friends can totally attest to this)!
6. Okay so 6 is a really weird number to end this at. I mean seriously Yasha, keep it at “normal” numbers. Who makes a list with 6 points instead of just leaving it at 5? or 10? why 6!?! but this is important so listen up!!! HAVE FUN! but not too much fun ;) Seriously though, don’t stress about your relationship and take time to just have fun and enjoy the moment. You have no clue how long it will last or what will happen tomorrow so why bother worrying. Just breathe, and enjoy the time you have right now. I did and they ended up being some of the best moments that I’ve had. Like seriously go out and find something random that both of you enjoy doing, it can be completely geeky like analyzing songs, or it can be serious like discussing the meaning of life, or anything in between but have fun because you will only have this moment once so why not seize the opportunity and make the most of it?

Now that I’m kind of done ranting about the more important relationship stuff let me get to some of the smaller details. Like these things are equally important as the ones above but their more miscellaneous small tips, not giant broad categories as above.

1. The small stuff counts-  So I'm not the most overly romantic of people, but the small gestures that you do will make me happy beyond words! But you don't have to overdo it! Seriously us girls don't expect flowers and chocolates all the time (but we definitely won't object to them either, especially the chocolate!) but we do like the small things that you do like texting us good night, or telling us we're the bestest, or just the fact that your taking time to hang out with us. But you don't have to go out of your way to be sweet!!! We like you the way you are (you’re an awesome person that’s why we want to be with you <3) and when you overdo it’s unnecessary.
2. Take risks- Seriously just take the risk no matter how big or small. Just remember nothing is really as bad as it seems. You are going to be rejected multiple times in your life (I know you don’t want to hear this, but it’s true). It’s your job to get up from these rejections and just remember that years from now, you WILL NOT remember these years from now!
3. Just remember you’re super AWESOME!- I know it’s not really a really a tip, but you are one of the most awesomest, coolest, most amazing person I know.

DISCLAIMER: So I guess these are just some tips that I have. Don’t take my word for it though. Relationships are a funny thing; they’re extremely individual. What works for one couple will not work for another since all people are different. But I guess since people have been asking me for advice I thought I’d share my opinions on a larger scheme. So again, these are just my thoughts, so don’t follow my advice word for word because these are my thoughts not yours. Also even though I’ve called myself a love expert throughout this post in no way, shape, or form do I consider myself to be a real love expert. I haven’t even been in a serious relationship, so what do I know about love? These tips are just things that I’ve observed/learned from my own experiences. Also on that note also remember your love life will develop from trial and error, it’s kind of a thing… Well yeah I think that’s really all I have to say.

À demain

An unofficial love expert