The real quarter life crisis

Today I read an article about a girl who lost her boyfriend at 29 to cancer. And that really hit home. Not the losing my boyfriend (which yes I’d be absolutely devastated if I lost) but her emotional response She was only 29 and she lost the love of her life. She had her entire life ahead of her, yet she’ll never have all of herself again. Part of her died with her boyfriend and for now it is the smiling happy part of herself. Yeah one day it’ll come back, like a sappy rom com she’ll be running to the happy part of herself, probably through the rain, to be united with the audience clapping and cheering. But I’m not here to talk about relationships…

This whole episode got me thinking about my life. I came to Case last year as a freshman with hopes and aspirations. I wanted 4.0s all semesters and to work my butt off to med school. I was so caught up in the future that I forgot the now. Everything I did was with the future in mind and that majorly stressed me out. There were so many complete breakdowns but I got through them. I met so many people and made so many friends. They helped me stop making mountains out of molehills, they stopped me from holding grudges, and they stopped me from underestimating myself. So I guess if you're reading this you are incredibly awesome and precious but I digress.

Anyways today after reading this article,I was thinking about my own life I'm only  20 and I have my entire life ahead of me. In simple terms Im the piece of paper I printed out. It had the potential to be anything from my scrap ochem homework to my next masterpiece. It could be anything I  wanted it to be. And just like that I realized I’m the blank paper. Just waiting to be a masterpiece no matter what the masterpiece turns up being. We’re always in such a rush to use up the paper and move on with life but maybe we should take a step back, breathe and just live in the moment. It’s scary to think that what we do now has the power to alter what happens for the rest of our life. But take it slow. There’s no rush because no chapter is over until it ends up okay. And if it’s not okay, make it okay. It’s your life and the only one who should be controlling it is you and yeah that’s not possible all the time but when it’s not, it’s not the end of the world.


You’re still a masterpiece waiting to happen and masterpieces take years to finish. Imagine the Mona Lisa after a day of work. You’re not that, you’re always going to be the Mona Lisa after it’s finished. 

Happy New Years!!!

So I haven't written in a really really long time and I'm sorry for that. This past year has been, as cliche as it is, a roller coaster. There were lots of times when I felt like I was floating on cloud nine and then there were times I felt like I was plummeting back to earth at a million miles per hour. But overall it was a good year. Yet at the same time, after a few days of major self evaluation, I have come up with some New Years "resolutions" as well. I put them in quotes because I say resolution because I don't really have another name for them. Like yeah they're things I want to change about my life, which is basically a resolution, but I don't want them to just be for this next year or I guess more realistically for the next week. I want to actually work harder this year which admittedly is what everyone says but that's why I've generalized my statements (besides the ones that are specific) [also guys I'm tired, I should be writing this later but I'm too awake to sleep but too sleepy to write. This is also why I don't stay up all night doing my homework because nothing good happens after 2am].


2015 "Resolutions"

Yeah I know they're not the most well thought out sentences and they're a little choppy but I'm tired and it's not the sentence it's the idea behind it that's important.

1. Maintain a clean room for longer than the duration of a skype call to my parents 
2. Push myself harder and be more disciplined 
3. Stand up for myself more (I know I'm good at talking but when it comes to what my opinions on stuff are I take the more passive route and if I sense an argument I tend to just float away)
4. Blog at least once a month if not more
5. Let the world fill me with wonder (this last semester coming back has been such a been there, done that. I'm going to find new things to do this year and get rid of this feeling once and for all)
6. Do fun stuff (not that I already don't, but I want to do more fun stuff)

Stuff that should be completed by 2015

1. I want to be able to whistle by the end of the year
2. I need to blow a bubble gum bubble
3. I need to be able to moo like a cow
4. Perfect my roar
5. I have to stop pretending to be animals
6. Go on more adventures
7. Go on a donut run (well walk)
8. Do decade months (this seems like a cool idea that I just made up, it would be fun to have a day dedicated to a decade and then do decade-y stuff on that day like an 80s themed aerobic dance workout)
9. Have the most epic 21st birthday bash
10. Do more painting
11. Binge watch for more than 3 hours
12. Finally get myself a crown (like one that glitters and is big)
13. Make my own star globe
14. Random dance party every month!!!
15. Cross off stuff from my bucket list