So what exactly is love?

I was asked a question today that left me totally speechless. A friend asked me what my definition of love was and if I believed in true love. I didn't know how to respond. Sure I believe in love, I mean but I think the term is only a placeholder for an emotion we get. The term love is so overused I don't have a proper definition for it. I mean we all tell each other "I love your new haircut" or "I love your outfit" or "I love this [insert noun here]" we love practically everything. 

The Merriam-Webster dictionary has 3 definitions for love:

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/love

These are the formal definitions for love, but popular culture has overused this term so much that for any of these definitions you can trade in any noun and it still works. Love isn't bounded to people, it's bounded by our imagination. We can love anything we can dream up. 

But this leaves a hole in my thoughts. I do believe that two people feel a swirl of emotions when they are together that is incomparable to any other feeling in the world, but it's not love. One of the obvious emotions is lust. When you like someone in a romantic sense there is always that carnal desire. You not only want that person but you want their body too. But then they are deeper emotions too. You feel curiosity, you want to know more about them (their likes, dislikes, hobbies, etc.); you want to know their, for lack of better word, soul. You feel content, when you're with them everything else in the world disappears; when you look into their eyes time stops so you can be together for longer. But it isn't love. 

I think there's a great distinction between love and true love. Love is just simply a word you can toss around to any object that you want. But true love I think should have a different name. Hope. True love is when a tornado of hope hits your heart and with it bringing a whirlwind of other emotions. True love is when you place all your hope into one person, knowing that they would never betray you. When every second you spend apart is a second hoping to be back together. You hope that this person is going to be the one to bring out your best qualities. You hope that they will be there for you during your lowest points. I think hope is the most powerful emotion humans can feel. In our darkest moments it's the only thing that keeps us alive. When we have no place left to run, hope protects us from the shadows. Hope is the best thing that we have to offer to someone so why waste it with love? 

I'm not saying that love doesn't exist or that I want to revolutionize the world by using hope instead of love. I'm simply stating that I don't know what love is, but if I had to define it I'd use hope because hope accounts for all the emotions that you feel with love. But even though I personally am a victim to the over usage of the term love, I don't really think anything needs to change. It's kind of like with Dante's version of Hell, even though there are different circles for different sins, in the end it is still all Hell. Similarly even though there's different circles of love, it's all still really love. Basically I guess what I'm saying is that when you're romantically involved with someone and you feel that level of love, you're in the ninth circle of Hell opposed to your love for puppies which leaves you on the first circle. 

HIMYM character analysis

So if you know me you know I'm obsessed with How I Met Your Mother. Since April I have watched seasons 1-8 twice. Also if any of you spoil the season nine finale I will hunt you down, stab you, disfigure your body so no one can even identify you, have hungry canines eat your flesh, dip your bones in sulfuric acid, and then dump what's left of you somewhere no one will ever find it. So don't say I didn't warn you.

Anyways...

I've been thinking a lot about the show. It's weird watching it all in the span of 3 weeks. Everything is so connected and the characters come in and out of life and it's amazing to see how stuff develops over time. Like my feelings for the characters constantly changes. So this all makes sense I have to go back a few months.

So to put in context, my friend and I made an observation. We were trying to decide what character we were most like when we realized that every character is an exaggeration of a real life characteristic. For example, Barney is an exaggerated player while Ted is an exaggerated romantic. There are a few people who in real life may have nailed 200 girls or may have stolen a blue french horn but most people haven't.
Also a personal observation, while most stories take years to develop characters, How I Met your Mother introduces them for who they are from the first episode. From the start we learn Ted is a hopeless romantic who is willing to do anything for love, Lily and Marshall are the married couple who bring sense and sensibility to the show, but also provide humor in through their romantic life (which is totally adorable, though at times exaggerated). So we know the characters as who they are right from the start, and that makes them more real in a sense. Even though they have extreme characteristics, we know who they are as people.

They're instantly in your friend group because you know the basics about who they are and you'll learn more secrets over the course of 9 seasons. It's why the show is so popular. By maintaining characters that you can develop bonds with from the start it makes each of their following stories like personal secrets. It doesn't feel like you're watching a show about 5 strangers, it feels like you're sitting in MacLaren's listening to Robin's crazy day at Channel 12 or at the apartment watching the superbowl. You feel connected to these characters.

But in real life we aren't just one amplified characteristic. We're a mix of different personalities. No one's just a Marshall or just a Lily. Everyone is a changing HIMYM smoothie. First round through the show I used to think I was a blend of Ted and Barney with a dash of Lily. I used to think I wanted to find "The One" but I also had a more adventurous side that would jump from guy to guy, and like Lily I was kind of like the mother of the group with people always coming up to me for advice. But then over the summer I realized I hated Ted. I can't imagine why someone would waste their life trying to find a singular person that they just miraculously know they're going to marry some day. But I didn't want what Barney had either. His lifestyle made him more unhappy than he let on. I became super envious of Lily and Marshall.They seemed like the perfect couple. Best friends and together since 1996. I wanted that. But I also liked the idea of just not knowing what was going to happen in my future; focusing on my career. I became a blend of Robin and Lily with a side of Marshall (I relate more closely to Lily for personal reasons). But then I continued watching and got to the point where Robin and Barney couldn't have the talk and I realized I wouldn't be able to be like her either. So what was I? I thought about it and talked about it with many friends and realized I knew exactly the right blend from the start. I was a mix of Lily and Barney with a dash of Ted. Now you might think but wait I thought you didn't like Ted and Barney?
But the thing is I gave their lifestyles a cursory analysis. Sure Barney may have slept with hundreds

of girls but went it got to the one he cared about, he was there for her. I want to be like that. But at the same time I understand Ted, he's at a point where he's lived most of his crazy life. He has some sort of stability; he has a job and a home, in his mind all that's missing from the picture is a pretty little wife. At one point in my life I want to be like him. And besides that short period of time when Aly was off giving birth, I love Lily. She's sincere to the core, a great and loyal friend, but she also sometimes lets loose a wild crazy side that leaves Barney bewildered (watch NPH's facial expressions anytime Lily mentions any of her fantasies) and that's the person I want to be.

A relationship rant

Okay so I've been talking to a few people about relationships recently and they keep on asking me questions about various aspects of relationships. My first thing piece of advice, watch How I Met Your Mother. My second piece, specifically season 4 episode 13 (Three Days of Snow). I'm not going to ruin the whole thing but at one point Marshall and Robin talk about their fundamental differences in relationships and I think they made a point that many people choose to ignore. EVERY COUPLE IS DIFFERENT!!

Now that you've watched the episode or decided to keep on reading regardless of my spoilers.

You can't compare yourself to different couples and reading those articles on 9 steps to a perfect relationship will be a definite waste of your life. Like the way you do things is not the way other people do things. So what if you don't have a little rituals like Marshall and Lily? That doesn't mean your relationship isn't as strong as theirs is! There are a lot of people who've been happily together for 10 years without telling their SO what they have everyday for lunch. That doesn't mean their missing out on life it just means that they have other ways of showing each other their affection.

Also speaking of other ways of showing affection. With the whole long distance thing there's going to be a lot of people who give you advice. Most of it is along the lines of, "Oh you should talk every day to show that you're in love. Oh if you're not talking everyday that means the feelings are probably fizzing out." Well I can assure you that both those statements are a lie. Talking is my boyfriend is the highlight of my day, but if you try to schedule a time to talk every single day it becomes more of a task than something enjoyable. But the thing is this is my view. Both of us are spontaneous people and we don't like making big complicated plans so for us setting a time that works for both of us was difficult because we don't have a set plan for our day. Plus in my opinion, true love is knowing that the person of your dreams is in your mind regardless of whether you talked that day or not. Also in this line of advice, do what you feel is comfortable. If you want to talk everyday by all means no one is stopping you. If you want to text during the week and skype on the weekends, go for it. It's your relationship, do what you both want.

(also side note that's not part of my rant: Emailing is really amazing because you can say so much more and it's more expressive of emotions than messaging)

Just remember everyone is unique in their own special way and you don't treat everyone in one generic way, so then why do we have this mindset that what works for one relationship is going to work for the next? I think people get so caught up in trying to make their relationship perfect that they forget to enjoy what they have right there. There are so many people who look compare themselves to other couples, but what good is that doing you? So what if they like to cuddle and talk about life? You probably play competitive laser tag and they're jealous of you for that.