You know sometimes I really don't understand life. Like think about it when you run into a friend you don't have a list of conversation starters, you're just able to have a conversation. You don't need to consciously think about the conversation, it just flows naturally. Sometimes you can end up talking for 10 minutes, an hour, or even a whole night just chatting. Yet what are you even talking about? Once you start thinking about it you realize that you've talked about everything and nothing at the same time. But these are the people you call your best friends.
Then there are the people you'll talk for ten minutes at most. Small talk. How are you? How's your life? The wife? Kids? Stocks? That stuff. These people you have a conversation with actual substance, not deep conversations, but relevant stuff. Yet these people aren't you're friends per se. They just happen to be placeholders for conversation. You have the conversation half heartedly and afterwards nothing really sticks into your mind.
Then finally there are the people that you crave to have a conversation. These conversations are unexpected. You can confide them with anything. You tell them your deepest fears, your darkest secrets, everything. When you're around them, you don't have a care in the world. But why? Why do we feel this way? I mean yeah there are emotional reasons why, but WHY???
Okay now that I'm done being psuedo-philosophical....
Why was I even thinking about this!?!
Like seriously like being philosophical is cool and everything and sometimes it's enjoyeable but I have a lab to write and stuff to do... I shouldn't be thinking about this right now... Oh well.
Its my understanding that:
ReplyDeleteWe are beings driven by connections. We connect objects to words when we're babies, we connect words to make sentences, we connect ideas and make arguments -- we're intellectually driven to make connections probably because when evolving, connections were what put us above the rest of the animal kingdom. Thus, it is incredibly easy for us to find interesting connections with others in our "pack" socalled. Making these connections with others gives us a shot of brain-chemicals called dopamine and oxytosin-- the neurotransmitters for pleasure and connection respectively. Having these connections with others in your "pack" ensures that you're looking after each other.
The half-hearted small talk is both a feigned attempt to forge more of these connections to you and your "pack" but are also cultural. As cultured beings, we know that these connections are important, and so it therefore must be socially right for us to at least try and make these with the people that are consistently around us.
Then there are the people we crave conversation with. Remember that Oxytosin I mentioned before? We get kind of addicted to this that makes us crave these deeper connection. Its what keeps mates together, and keeps mothers connected to their babies. It probably is the same stuff that keeps us wanting to have these connections and conversations. And this oxytosin and the longstanding connection between two people also leads us to trust them and feel safe around them because what's more important in the animal kingdom than having someone there to watch your back and share some food? Very little, that's what. Ergo its evolutionarily/psychologically/physiologically important to have these connections/conversations.
Just my two cents on the matter, and perhaps an interesting thinkabout.
That end comment was hilarious. All the empathy :)
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